Archive for the ‘Funny things said by small people’ Category


How the other half lives

November 11, 2010

My youngest piano student from last year, aka the pineapple girl, is no longer six, or my youngest student — I have a couple of new six-year-olds and a very solemn five-year-old who can’t read or dependably tell right from left, yet has twice the determination of anyone else I know under the age of nine. Nonetheless, Pineapple remains my most interesting student, or at least the most prone to thought-provoking non sequiturs.

Yesterday she said, “I have a question. What do people do when they don’t have children?”

“Well, most of them go to work. I’m working right now.”

“But what about wives who don’t have jobs?” I explained that I wasn’t anyone’s wife and I did have a job, so I didn’t really know about those people. (Previous experience suggests, though, that they sit in coffee shops drinking ridiculously expensive beverages and gossiping loudly about furniture.)

“Okay, but what do you do when you have a day off?”

“I go hiking, or I stay home and play with my cat, or I read.” True, if oversimplified — I do intend to hike today as soon as I’ve had some lunch. But I left out the part about sitting on the couch in my pajamas, drinking tea and wasting time on the Internet. Also video games. Also tastefully beer-infused game nights with my college friends.

Maybe I should have told her about the things non-married people have in common with parents. I still go grocery shopping (when I can afford it) and vacuum (when the dust bunnies get bigger than the cat) and make dinner. All of which I plan to do today, and I may even post a recipe for the green-chile enchiladas I intend to make. Though perhaps not a picture, as they’re not terribly pretty.

That explanation might have bored my student so much that she would actually have agreed to try playing the right-hand part of Indian Song once more, legato. But probably not.


Ladies with pineapples

May 28, 2010

Earlier this week I was teaching a piano lesson to my youngest student, who is six years old and learns very quickly when she feels like it. Mostly she doesn’t feel like it, though. She was supposed to be doing a page in her theory workbook, but she thought it would be more fun to poke me, gently but repeatedly, with her pencil. I told her it wasn’t very nice to hit people with pencils. She responded, “But it’s fun hitting people with pencils. I also like hitting ladies with pineapples.” I couldn’t really argue with that.

This is relevant because I bought a pineapple this week, on the grounds that it is cheaper to buy a pineapple than an equivalent quantity of pre-cut pineapple chunks. Also on the grounds that pineapples are delicious. I amazed myself by breaking down that pineapple in record time (for such a prickly fruit they are remarkably easy to deal with), and then further amazed myself by remembering that I am ever so slightly allergic to fresh pineapple.

Well, not pineapple itself, but some kind of cross-reaction between pineapple and related pollens. Apparently it’s called oral allergy syndrome. I don’t have it that badly; it just makes my tongue tingle unpleasantly, kind of like it’s being slowly digested by enzymes, although I know that’s not actually what’s happening. I remember this feeling from when I was little, when I decided I didn’t like the taste of fresh pineapple and stuck to canned for years. I’ve since managed to separate the taste from the sensation, which is fortunate since fresh pineapple is so much more interesting, sweet and tart with hints of coconut. And it doesn’t seem to bother me the day after the pineapple is cut. But it’s hard to face a pile of glistening, fresh-cut fruit and not eat a lot of it right away.

In other news, it’s fun to say bromeliad.